


An Excursion

by purglepurglepurgle



Category: Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: AU, Comedy, Gen, Tseng playing parent (again), child!Rufus, cinema, clashing tastes, general brattiness, lazy prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-19 11:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22177093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purglepurglepurgle/pseuds/purglepurglepurgle
Summary: President Shinra, opera-lover and longtime patron of the arts, wishes to introduce his young son to high culture. So he's instructed one of his men to take care of it. And, as always, the boy needs an accompanying bodyguard. Lucky Tseng.
Relationships: Rufus Shinra & Reeve Tuesti, Rufus Shinra & Tseng, Tseng & Reeve Tuesti
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	An Excursion

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically AU because I put in some stuff from our world, but ties in with the world of 'Procrastination'. Beyond that, I don't have the same headcanons from fic to fic.

Tseng crouched down by President Shinra’s knees, trying to make the child-Vice-President, Rufus, drink from a carton of vitamin-D fortified juice.

"Come on, Rufus, it's good for you." Tseng held out the carton. Rufus looked him coolly in the eye, and dashed it to the floor.

Above them, the President chuckled. "Boy knows what he wants." Then he gave Tseng a warning look. "But he needs it. Make sure he drinks."

Tseng nodded, swearing internally in at least three languages, and stretched out to pick up the juice. Rufus kicked it away. Tseng glared at the boy. Rufus glared back. The President hummed to himself, waiting for their guest and ruffling Rufus’ hair.

With as much dignity as he could muster, Tseng crawled over to retrieve the carton, continuing to swear under his breath. Why did _he_ have to take care of this nonsense? Surely this was a job for a nanny? Why did _multiple_ people see _him_ , a professional hitman, and instantly think 'free childcare'?

_At least the Ancient drinks her damn orange juice._

Though she had thrown it at him the week before, when he had maintained that ‘Nibelheim’ did not begin with an 'M'.

 _Surely there's some shady work that needs doing in Costa Del Sol…?_ _Or even further afield?_

As he was wracking his brain for excuses to put at least one ocean between himself and the assorted brats of Midgar, the study door creaked open.

"Ah, Reeve," said the President, as the head of Urban Planning entered the room. "About time. Are you ready to show the boy that new cinematorium of yours?"

Reeve nodded, smiling. "It's all booked!"

"Excellent," said the President. He turned to his son. "Now, Rufus, this man is going to show you the pinnacle of Shinra's architectural and artistic achievement. Behave at the show. It's important for you to get a sense of culture."

Rufus said nothing. He was busy tearing strips off the wallpaper.

*

Reeve led the way to the cinema. He briefly tried to engage Rufus with a fluffy toy cat, but Rufus was having none of it, and Reeve returned the cat to a pocket before Rufus could pull off its ears. Tseng followed behind them, footsteps light, watching for danger. The juice carton lay somewhere on the ground behind them, still full.

_If Rufus breaks a bone, they'll blame you._

_If they execute me, I won't have to deal with Rufus._

Tseng made no move to retrieve the juice carton.

They reached the cinema. Reeve strode ahead, a spring in his step, leading them through a labyrinth of dark tunnels lit by yellowish bulbs on the walls. Purple walls. Some bulbs were arranged into stars. Tseng shuddered. The venue had only just reopened, but the floor was already sticky with cola and littered with popcorn.

"Charming place," said Tseng.

"It is, isn't it?" said Reeve happily. "It's been going since I was a kid-- always wanted someone to refurbish it, make it _shine_. Never thought it would be me!" He laughed. "Urban Planning... just yesterday, you know, I was looking at sewage treatment plans; it really is amazing, the diversity of work that lands on my table--"

"Rufus, stop that," Tseng cut Reeve off, hoisting Rufus up under the arms; the Vice President had been trying his best to squash his finger into an exposed plugsocket.

"Oh, hm!" said Reeve, peering at the socket. "I hadn't thought about that! We put them there for the cleaning staff-- easy to plug in a vacuum-- but yeah, that could kill a child! That's a serious problem with the design, isn't it?"

"Debatable," said Tseng. He stumbled back as Rufus struggled against him. The President's son was surprisingly heavy for his size (seemed like his calcium was just fine). "You take him." Tseng held Rufus, who was now screaming, out to Reeve.

"Er, I don't really know--"

"You. Take. Him." Tseng’s face assumed the expression which had secured his job in General Affairs. It did the trick.

"It's screen 7," Reeve managed, staggering under Rufus' weight. Before Tseng could ask what they were going to see, Reeve cried out as Rufus grabbed a fistful of dark brown hair and tugged.

Tseng wanted to leave Rufus to it, but he thought Reeve might drop the boy, and for some reason Tseng had signed a contract saying he’d prevent that sort of thing. "Stop that," he said to Rufus, instead, grabbing the boy's arms and pinning them behind his back in the way he usually reserved for smalltime mobsters.

"Thanks," said Reeve. Together, they hauled the vice-president into the screening room.

*

They took their seats. They were late; the film had started-- set on some sort of industrial street, Tseng briefly saw-- and by the time they'd settled Rufus down enough to ensure he couldn't run, crawl or climb away, a musical number was playing. Some kind of poetry thing-- a kids' show, from the sounds of it. Tseng grimaced; there were few things he enjoyed less than a musical. Though the soundtrack was oddly familiar. Tseng paused, watching and listening, for a moment, then felt a surge of horror, as he became aware of what was happening onscreen:

_**“JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS** _

_**JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS** _

_**JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS** _

_**JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS** _

_**JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS"** _

Reeve was tapping his thigh, beaming.

Rufus gazed intently. His eyes shone, rapt. Then, for the first time that day, he spoke.

" _A world_ ," he said, " _of fear_."

* * *

_Postscript_

"What's this?" said Elmyra, picking up the neat blue envelope from her hallway floor and opening it. She recognised Tseng’s handwriting, though it was shakier than usual. Frowning, she read the letter aloud:

_"My dear,_

_Enclosed are two cinema tickets, compliments of Shinra Inc. Take Aeris. It's fantastic. I laughed, I cried. You simply must see it._

_-T"_

**Author's Note:**

> Best cinema experience of my life.
> 
> Also exquisite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y32bRcJzL2w


End file.
